Monday, April 23, 2012

Defender... A Steve Tale

"How I wonder what you are."  A peal of thunder split the night as I finished the song for at least the tenth time.  The patter of rain picked up as I watched Zachariah yawn, before looking at the clock.  9:47, the bright red lines seemed to burn themselves into my retinas.  I stifled a yawn of my own before beginning to sing again, stopping when I thought I heard a giggle.  Then, as often happens when I am otherwise occupied, inspiration struck.  This time it felt like I had been kicked in the shin.  "Do you really think now is the time for this?"  I snapped as Steve appeared, leaning against my dresser, accompanied by another low rumble of thunder that seemed to last an eternity.
"You looked like you needed some help.  Besides, can't you hear the theme music?"  He began to hum his own off key rendition of the Indiana Jones theme song, conducting an invisible orchestra with his tail.  The rain continued to fall, large drops beating a staccato rhythm.
"Steve, now is not the time," I hissed through clenched teeth.  My son giggled and I glared daggers at the demon of inspiration.  The storm turned and the rain began to slow.
"Think about it, this is almost as good as that Oz idea I gave you a few weeks ago."  Another boom, and the lull in the storm was over.
I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the demon, trying to rock my son to sleep, but Steve continued to hum.  I began another rousing round of 'twinkle twinkle little star,' singing louder than the demon, and managed to avoid looking at him or responding to him for the next five minutes, until my wife walked in and shrieked.
"What the hell is he doing in our room?"  The storm emphasized her question.
"Tell her!"  Steve grinned, the night light illuminating his pearly white teeth and casting a horned shadow on the wall.
"No," I growled over my now crying son.  Another crack of thunder.
"Tell me what?"  She crossed the room, ripping the cd player’s plug from the wall.  The storm stopped.
"Damn it," I growled.  "Honey, if you want Z to go to sleep tonight, you either need to take him yourself, or leave the room."
"Tell her!"
"Tell me what?"
"Fine!"  I huffed.  Steve began to hum the theme again.  "He...”  I cast a sidelong glance at the demon, '"suggested a new idea for a story."
"Oh," MJ said in her 'you got me off the sofa for this?' voice. 
I started to suggest that she had come of her own volition but thought better of it. 
"Yeah, I'm not sold on it myself."
"Tell.  Her!"  Steve said, stabbing his tail into the air to emphasize each word.
I sighed.  "Defender of the G Spot."
MJ scowled.  And then giggled as she began humming the Indiana Jones theme too.
"See!" said the demon.  "Think of the crossover appeal, especially with the porn industry."
I snorted.  "Yeah, I can see it now.  'Snakes, why does it always have to be snakes?'"

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