tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7564505438332425192.post3934742971179789279..comments2023-04-27T08:16:15.885-07:00Comments on Wasted Productions: Hollow World Chapter 19Jonathan Martinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14841202262555830312noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7564505438332425192.post-70277021695897158602010-12-09T09:27:54.691-08:002010-12-09T09:27:54.691-08:00Poor Sam. I hope whatever is driving him toward Wh...Poor Sam. I hope whatever is driving him toward White Sands is going to hook him up with some people too.<br /><br /><i>Now, despite the near 90 degree temperatures, he wore a windbreaker and a ball cap he had grabbed out of a mall he had passed.</i> I'm guessing he's all covered up to stave off the sunburn, but it wasn't immediately apparent. A comment about learning his lesson from the sunburn might help here.<br /><br /><i>Despite being hot, the going was easy for Sam.</i> The storm doesn't sound like easy going. Maybe it had been easy going except for the storm? Or the storm could be in its own paragraph.<br /><br /><i>An hour’s walk got him close enough to realize what it was</i> I like the idea of the plane. I wanted more detail. His reaction when he first saw the object in the distance, whether he was excited or nervous to see something different during a day of walking.<br /><br /><i>The tail stood slightly askew and rocked gently in the wind, moaning as if its former occupants had never left.</i> Nice and creepy.<br /><br /><i>his eyes could not help but illuminate the fact that White Sands was much closer,</i> weird phrase. It reads like his eyes glow. Could try, 'he couldn't help but notice.'<br /><br />Now I need to go shake off the mental image of that plane.J. A. Platthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03579737369756389484noreply@blogger.com